Dear Prime Minister

Dear Prime Minister,

It has been brought to my attention that you have changed your mind about the shameless partisanship and essentially undemocratic nature of having an appointed Senate, because appointed senators tend to vote the way the people who appoint them want them to. Fair enough. The senate is quite the august political institution, and in these days of stateless countries (see: pirates, Somalia) with no governments at all, it's difficult to see the harm in a few appointed senators coming aboard just in time to keep the coalition of the winless from doing anything foolish.

I hear you may have eight spots left to fill. You have my Blackberry coordinates. I am ready to serve.

Sincerely,

Stephane Dion

Dear Steve,

Duffy? Duffy is a senator? LOL. That guy's in such bad shape (don't buy it if he tries to sell you that he's quit smoking, either), the over under on the guy lasting 18 months in the Senate is not high. If you want a political junkie journo on the senate who's gonna be around a while, Steve-o, here I am brutha!

Sincerely,

Rick Mercer

Dear Prime Minister,

Ignatieff is behaving as imperialistically and pompously as ever. The guy gives such long-winded, thoughtful, judicious, extemporaneous answers to even the dumbest little question, it leaves no room for pedantic, over-sincere, economically-challenged, ideological progressives like myself to get on television anymore. I'll reform your Senate for you. Just name me to it.

Best,

Bob Rae

Dear Mr. Harper,

I read with interest your recent appointments to the Senate. While I have a great deal of respect for Mike Duffy, Pamela Wallin, and Nancy Greene, I noticed you haven't named any former NHL general managers to the Senate recently, an oversight I may be able to help you with.

Yours,

John Ferguson Jr.

Dear Prime Minister,

This is just a bit of a pre-emptive attack (Ha!), but could you consider me the next time you make a batch of Senate appointments? I do good work, and have done a lot of television, and will live a long time, in case you get elected out of office and want someone to stick it the Liberals for the next six decades.

Sincerely,

Daniel Cook

Dear Mr. Harper,

Me too!

Happy holidays,

Emily Yeung

Dear Stephen,

A pardon from any future malicious attempts to prosecute me for stupidly accepting those envelopes full of cash nearly two decades ago would be nice; a seat on the Senate even nicer; the Habs winning it all, priceless.

Best,

Brian

Dear Steve,

Catching a lot of heat for accepting this Senate appointment. Any chance I could get a sitdown with you for the national news to discuss? (I'll ask tough stuff so it doesn't look like you were trying to buy off the media on this).

All best,

Mike

PS. I quit smoking. I swear.

Dear Mr. Prime Minister,

Just want to confirm that I can use the whole 90K travel budget you provide each Senator with to hang out in New York and go to cocktail parties with my Big American Media pals.

Love,

Pam