The Presidential To Do List

The White House
Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, D.C.

The President of the United States
George W Bush

To Do List--January, 2009

1. Pardons.(Double check to make sure none of us can be tried. Question for Attorney-General: pre-emptive pardons?)
2. Outgoing legislation. Save automobile industry--at least until spring. Then it's Bam's problem. (Real shame, that).
3. Farewell phone calls to global leaders. Keep them short.
4. Also remember to call Tony Blair. Nice guy.
5. Visit more foreign countries. (In retrospect, this would have been nice to do before running for President, but it is what it is. Is it my fault Midland has no international airport?)
6. Hire one of those lit agents to get me a book deal. I hear Bubba got $10 million. Maybe Bam has agent?
7. Talk to Laura about where she wants to go for Feb. vacation. (We could take an extra week.)
8. Ask Poppy about getting hired by Carlyle Group.
9. New York Marathon--early registration!
10. Read some Presidential autobiographies to learn how to write one.
11. Never too early to start callin' around to see if anyone needs a former two-term President to throw out the first pitch on Opening Day.
12. Call Bob Woodward. Get him to autograph all four books he wrote about the Bush years.
13.Quality lunch with Condi.
14. Cancel hunting trip with Cheney.
15. Call Wolfowitz. See if he has any bright new ideas.
16. Work on historical legacy. (Call Harvard & Yale. See if they want speech about global vision things, letting the market decide, or spreading freedom and democracy around the globe).
17. Speak to Roger Ailes at FOX News about becoming their newest military expert.
18. Give Bam the nuclear codes, and speech about having the fate of the planet in his hands.
19. Call Rumsfeld, then tell him you'll call him back--after the quality lunch with Condi. LOL.
20. Email Arianna about getting a blog on HuffPo, even if it's filled with liberals.
21. Hire Frum to ghostwrite it. That oughta to piss off all those Hollywood elites.
22. Join Facebook. Don't add Roger Clemens! He's calling about pardons.
23. Buy newest Kinky Friedman novel. They're always fun.
24. Book some plane tickets to Houston. How does one book plane tickets?
25. Turn out the Pennsylvania Avenue lights. The party's over.

stephenbhunt@gmail.com